~
When you tell me to
leave my baggage at the door,
you imply that my feelings
do not matter.
That my sadness
is a burden.
because it makes me less productive?
because it makes you uncomfortable?
If I had walked into the room
with a broken arm,
you would not have forced me
to remove my limb from its sling.
You would not have forced me
to play pretend like it didn't
hurt
for your sake
(because that would just be selfish, no?)
You would sign my cast
and wish me well.
I guess it's different
when it's the mind that's sick
and not the body.
Your compassion is selective;
you only offer it
if it’s convenient for you.
When you tell someone to
leave their baggage at the door,
you are conditioning them
to adopt unhealthy habits
that cause undue harm
to their mental state.
I was told to
leave my baggage at the door
so many fucking times,
that I adopted the unfortunate act
of turning off my feelings
whenever life got tough.
I had to freeze myself over
just to please you.
just to survive.
just to protect myself from
the cruelty &
the discrimination.
And when finally I thawed,
I couldn’t help but feel
everything
all at once.
I was forced to
suppress my emotions
when I should have been encouraged to
accept.
validate.
heal.
from them
as they came to me.
In consequence,
my worst emotions had collected
in the dark attic of my mind
like stormwater—
in the beginning,
unnoticeable
until the raindrops
amassed to the point
of deluge
and
my brain runneth over
the ensuing mental anguish
seemingly incurable.
I was never taught how
to tread this type of despair
no;
instead,
I was taught to
leave my baggage at the door
(and so I drowned).
Image Source:
The Sea at Your Door gif (n.d.). [image] Available at:
https://www.google.ca/amp/s/joe-phote.tumblr.com/post/116742653751/the-sea-at-your-door/amp [Accessed 11May. 2021].
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