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Writer's pictureYours Truly

An Unfortunate Series of Dating Site DMs



your a poet so I thought I'd send this roses are red lemons are sour open your leg and feel the power

***

{*you're}

***

{*legs}

***

My one-worded reply:


gross.

***

If I knew you looked like that I never would have messaged you

***

A man will sexually harass a woman.


The woman will call him on his fuckery, to which he then tells her that she is no longer attractive.

 

The conversation digresses from gothic literature to:


Oh, are you sexual at all btw?


Not being horny just asking.


[20 minutes later]


Sorry


***

{You should be}

 

Hello beautiful How are you? Please tell me you have a thing for older guys

 

Hey I like your profile you seem very cool and interesting and you are absolutely beautiful. I'd love to hang out some time 😊😊maybe smoke a bunch of weed, order pizza, watch a movie and cuddle, and have some drinks if UR into that you look like a total sweetheart


[translation: I will get you cross-faded and then force you to submit to my every sexual notion]


I bet we would get along great. . 😙😙

 

Hi! Interested in 9 inches? :p always up for commitment but I wouldn't be apposed to fooling around :p

***

{*opposed}


***


First of all: Ow


Second of all: Ew


Lastly: Ha, yeah right!

 

I'm not gonna lie. I have a thing for pale skin & amp; dark hair, I think its really hot. I'm a hard working man with a good head on my shoulders.

***

{*it's}

 

Oh EMMM GGGEEEEEEEE, damn girl uhh wow.. 🤯🤯 has anyone ever told you how you are the perfect mix between cute and sexy 😊😍 i feel like thier should be a picture of you in the dictionary next to the word "flawless". They shouldnt have a written definition of it instead they should just have your pic 🥰 it would honestly be my pleasure to get to know you and hopefuly develop a friendship between us!

***

{*their}

***

{*hopefully}

 

your like yogurt cuz you're all i wanna

***

{It's *you're, for fuck's sakes!}

 

It is true;


you have plenty of fish

in your sea of servers--


plenty of fish

who encircle us

like forest fires

(Enter Tinder)


lying in wait to


ravage


upon


our womanly flesh.

 

Ok, Cupid--


you can sincerely fuck off.

 

Image Source:

Decapitated Cupid gif (n.d.). [image] Available at: https://www.gaiaonline.com/profiles/hentai-dad/27004713/ [Accessed 5 Oct. 2020]

 
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